How to be the best worst manager

Introduction

Are you ready to revolutionize the way managers are perceived? As a self-proclaimed “worst manager,” I’m here to share my unconventional wisdom on how to, well, not exactly excel, but at least not completely tank as a manager. In this post, we’ll dive into some tongue-in-cheek tips on how to be the best worst manager you can be.

Preqrequisites

Before we dive into the nitty-gritty of being a terrible manager, it’s essential to acknowledge that some managers may already possess certain… let’s call them “characteristics” that make them more likely to excel in this role. These include:

• No relevant skills or experience in management
• A complete lack of understanding about how to manage a team effectively
• A refusal to understand or buy into the company vision or goals
• A general disinterest in learning or improving as a manager
• If you find yourself nodding along with these points, then congratulations! You’re well on your way to becoming an outstandingly terrible manager.

Tip #1: Gain Stockholder/Direct Managers’Trust

Before you can start being your best worst self, it’s crucial to gain the trust of your stockholders and direct managers. Without this, you’ll likely get fired anyway! Make sure to show them that you’re a team player (or at least pretend to be) and they’ll be none the wiser when you start implementing some of these… creative management strategies.

Tip #2: Hire Two People - One Good, One Bad As a worst manager

it’s essential to have a diverse range of employees under your supervision. Hire one person who is extremely talented and another who is, well, not so much. Let the good employee do all the heavy lifting for a while, and then fire them when they’ve achieved some impressive milestones. Present their achievements as if you were the driving force behind their success (even if you had nothing to do with it). This will give you the upper hand in your management role.

Tip #3: Give Excuses (and More Excuses)

When someone wants to improve something or tackle a new project, be sure to give them an excuse that’s hard to resist. For example, “We’re not a software company,” and suddenly all thoughts of innovation and progress will disappear! This is the perfect way to prevent anyone from improving anything.

Tip #4: Steal Ideas (and Present Them as Your Own) As a worst manager

It’s essential to have a steady supply of new ideas. So, when someone comes up with a brilliant concept or solution, make sure to listen attentively and then promptly forget about it. Later, after they’ve long forgotten their idea, mention how you were thinking the same thing all along. This will not only confuse your employees but also make you seem like a genius.

Tip #5: Make Yourself Indispensable (or at Least Seem Like It)

Finally, as a worst manager, it’s crucial to make yourself appear indispensable to your bosses and stockholders. Do things that are hard for them to do themselves, even if they’re not exactly rocket science. This will give you the leverage you need to keep your job and continue being the best worst manager possible.

Tip #6: Prioritize Tasks (By Guessing)

As a worst manager, it’s crucial to prioritize tasks based on your gut feelings rather than actual importance or urgency. This way, you can ensure that the most critical projects are left lingering while you focus on more “fun” stuff… like browsing cat videos.

Tip #7: Communicate (Sort Of)

Effective communication is key to any successful team. As a worst manager, make sure to only communicate when absolutely necessary – and even then, just send brief, cryptic messages that leave everyone wondering what you’re trying to say. It’s all about keeping them on their toes!

Tip #5: Evaluate Performance (with Minimal Effort)

As a masterclass in laziness, evaluating performance doesn’t have to be a daunting task. As a worst manager, you can simplify the process by declaring that everyone is working “just fine” and that they all possess senior-level skills with very high proficiency.

The Art of Overstating Abilities

To take this tip to the next level, try using phrases like “I’m not sure what else we could ask for from our team members” or “They’re already exceeding expectations in every way.” This will not only save you time but also make your employees feel like they’re crushing it (even if they’re not).

The Benefits of Lackluster Feedback

By not providing actual feedback, you’ll:

Avoid the hassle of having to think critically about each team member’s strengths and weaknesses Prevent any potential awkwardness or difficult conversations Allow your team members to coast on their perceived success without needing to improve So go ahead, pat yourself on the back for being a true champion of minimal effort. Your employees will love you for it (or at least pretend to).

Conclusion

And there you have it – my expert advice on how to be the best worst manager out there! Remember: being a bad manager is all about setting low expectations and having fun with it. So go ahead, take these tips to heart (or not), and watch your team members cringe in delight.

This post has potential as a thought-provoking piece that encourages readers to think critically about leadership styles. By addressing the cons mentioned above and adding more depth.

I'd recommend to read this paper If you are really into improve your skills what makes a Great Manager of Software Engineers?